This blog has literally come out of a photo that was shared on Facebook of me around about 12 years old!
The funny thing is I still have the same haircut!!……. although I’m much blonder now (it’s easier to maintain when the grey starts to come through!)
I looked at my younger self and it started me thinking of the journey I have been on since then. Hitting puberty for me was tough. I didn’t like the way I looked, I thought everyone else was prettier than me. I thought I was fat and I was so scared of boys! I remember hiding away in the toilets at the Youth Club Disco when the ‘erection section’ came on at the end of the night just in case I was asked to dance…. or even worse not being asked at all!! And all that anxiety was before mobile phones and social media! I would have hated hitting puberty now with all that additional pressure on how women should look.
I started to think about the different stages in my life too…. late teens – experiencing my first love and then discovering rugby and pints with the help of my crazy welsh girlfriends. My twenties was spent working and playing hard. I also remember falling in love again and discovering the rave scene!
Having survived those crazy times – with relatively good kidneys and a liver still in tact, my 30’s were a more gentler time in my life. It is here that I discovered homeopathy and I began a new chapter. Having a baby basically and for those who have been blessed with a child or children, your life is just never the same!
My forties were different again – I had a bit of a ‘mid-life crisis’ I think haha x I dropped 3 stone, felt the sexiest I’d ever been, had a wild time with a man 8 years younger than me but this time I had wisdom on my side….. oh and I bought myself an old golf convertible that I had always dreamed about!
But if I’m perfectly honest, up until around about my late 30’s my self esteem was, basically, shite. Various knocks, disappointments and believing that I didn’t deserve better, had a negative impact on my life at times especially when it came to relationships. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a good life and I am so grateful for everything that has happened and for every person who has crossed my path. It’s certainly been colourful! But I realise I spent too much time on my looks and not on what truly made me happy x
I look back now and I think I was OK, I was beautiful in my own way. I remember not taking part in things because I didn’t want people to look at me. I put up with things because I didn’t think I deserved any better. It makes me feel sad that at times I had just been mean to younger myself x
I’m now in my fifties and out the other side of menopause – it’s been 1 whole year with no periods and no hot flushes and my focus and memory is so much better – thanks to my remedies my transition was relatively easy. I think it was my peri-menopause that caused me more bother – because I didn’t realise I was in it for age. But I’m now in a good space emotionally and so much kinder to myself. My confidence is good, I’m blessed with good people around me and I’m focused on doing stuff for me….
What I’m trying to say is, don’t spend your life wishing you looked different. Stop giving yourself a hard time. Don’t look back at photos of yourself and wish you looked like that again – its not going to happen. You’re not the same person you were then. In 10 years time you’ll be wishing you looked like you do today so why wait to appreciate how lovely you are – Be kind and embrace the lovely unique woman that you are NOW x
Let’s started working on our core – I’m not talking about doing 200 press-ups and holding the plank until you are physically shaking (although exercise does have its benefits) – work on what’s going to see you through this life – work on your heart, your mindset and your soul…
If you have younger women in your life, show them this blog. Don’t let them go through life judging and comparing themselves. As older wiser, sassier women we can do that for them x
Much love Ladies x